The little things in life are actually the big things

When we went on our annual holidays to the Bavarian Alps we always stayed in the same flat with a spectacularly panoramic mountain view from the balcony. Sitting and beholding that splendour in silence was my Grandad’s idea of heaven. But it didn’t even have to be such a spectacular view. Pure happiness for him was to sit on the balcony overlooking his back garden or sitting in the garden itself, just looking. Some of his other joys in life included playing cards and various board games with me, making me laugh by biting into a slice of lemon without flinching and sneaking me some of Grandma’s delicious ‘Gesundheitskuchen’ (a super moist loaf cake) for breakfast. I often thought Grandad encapsulated the famous Bible verse in which Jesus says we must enter the kingdom of heaven like a child. He never lost the child’s ability to marvel at the world and savour what seems unremarkable to adults. Of course children from Gen Z, (i.e. born from the later 90s onwards), the ‘digital kids’ glued to screens, super-fast broadband stimulation has arguably dimmed that fundamental ability to enjoy the ‘little things.’

But what are ‘the little things’ really? Is there one answer for every person? The One Direction Song ‘Little Things’ sets itself up as a track about how true love is loving the ‘little things’ about someone. However all it mentions specifically are ‘crinkles by your eyes when you smile’, (which every human of any age has), freckles, dimples, wanting a cup of tea before bed and talking in your sleep. It’s hardly inspiring or insightful observational song writing! Moreover, the video accompanying the song bizarrely and ironically centres around footage of the band winning X Factor and becoming world famous superstars. Hardly a ‘little thing’! It seems to me that despite so many people embracing ‘mindfulness’ and various meditative practices as part of the wider obsession with ‘good mental health’ people are increasingly defining big things as little! I first really noticed this during the pandemic when many who like me argued that lockdowns were both ineffective and harmful started to diverge from my own view of what makes life worth living. I gave an emotional interview on Talk Radio because I struggled with the restrictions of lockdown so much. However I started to become very uncomfortable with the ‘anti lockdown movement’ when I heard some argue that not being able to socialise, have parties, go to theatres, clubs, events or go on holiday made life ‘not worth living.’ This was a massive step beyond pointing out the damage to mental and physical health caused by forced house arrest and, above all, being separated from loved ones. The penny dropped for me when I heard a popular radio presenter who is also an NHS GP state that if an accident or illness ever caused her to be paralysed or ‘fully dependent’ on others she would want to access assisted dying. I started listening to some of the anti lockdown campaigners as though with freshly opened ears. What I then heard were lots of people who regarded lives that they saw as ‘limited’ as worthless. Without the context of lockdown they could have been describing the lives of many disabled people, including mine. ‘How can my child live without after school activities and adventure holidays with their mates?’ ’How can any adult live without weekly trips to the pub and dinner parties?’ The basics of life seemed to be redefined. Big things were being seen as little things.

   There is a long history of meditative and mindful practices that focus on ‘the little things’ in both Hinduism and Buddhism. However, this setting aside of an attachment to self and focus on the basics of life’s blessings has also been a fundamental part of Christianity down the ages.

“And in this he showed me a little thing, the quantity of a hazel nut, lying in the palm of my hand, as it seemed. And it was as round as any ball. I looked upon it with the eye of my understanding, and thought, ‘What may this be?’ And it was answered generally thus, ‘It is all that is made.’ I marveled how it might last, for I thought it might suddenly have fallen to nothing for littleness. And I was answered in my understanding: It lasts and ever shall, for God loves it. And so have all things their beginning by the love of God.”

So wrote Dame Julian of Norwich, a late 14^th century English anchoress, in her book ‘Revelations of Divine Love.’ We don’t know for certain what lead this lady to shut herself off from the world in a ‘hermit’s cell’ but some guess that a documented near death experience was the trigger. Others argue that it could have been losing her family to the widespread plague or wanting to escape a common fate of many women at the time, i.e. unhappy marriage or death in childbirth. Whatever the case she is an extreme but nonetheless insightful voice into what is truly valuable and beautiful in life. Her reflections on the wonder of a tiny hazelnut is akin to one of the most oft used, basic modern mindfulness exercises. A therapist/practitioner will instruct one to hold a tiny, simple object, e.g.a pound coin, and immerse oneself in its observation. In that moment life becomes the sight, feel and perhaps even smell of that object. Sometimes this practice is done with something edible such as a raisin to include the sense of taste. However, a hazelnut reveals more than a random inanimate object or perishable morsel. Within the nut is all the potential for the most glorious growth. It’s a little thing that is actually ‘very big’ in what it shows us about life.

   In my former, younger life as an academic at Oxford University I did research into the concept of ‘fellowship’ in late medieval England, 14^th to 15^th century. This led me to discover the wonderful ‘Mystery Plays’, Bible stories acted out tableaux style in the four cities of York, Chester, Wakefield and Coventry. These came to be sponsored by the newly emerging medieval craft guilds which were also a new manifestation of ‘fellowship’ in that society. By using the backdrop of the city as scenery and linking trades and crafts that sustained basic life, (e.g. Noah’s Ark being presented by the carpenters’ guild, the loaves and fishes story put on by the bakers) they connected the very ordinary and everyday rhythm of work and human life to the miraculous and divine. In the mid-14^th century York Corpus Christi plays there is a reference to a hazelnut in a similar ‘wonder of the little things’ spirit to that of Dame Julian.

‘Thou Sonne, that shall save bothe see and sande,
Se to me sen I have thee soght,
I am ovir poure to make presande
Als myn harte wolde, and I had ought.
Two cobill notis uppon a bande,
Loo, litill babe, what I have broght,
And whan ye sall be Lorde in lande,
Dose goode agayne, forgete me noght’

The Shepherd proclaims that the baby Jesus will save the world, ‘both sea and sand’ and bemoans that he is too poor, ‘poure’,  to make the fitting offering to this saviour that his heart would desire. Therefore, he has brought two cob nuts, ‘two cobill notis’, on a string. In medieval England all hazelnuts were all to as ‘cob nuts’ and this was the most common form of nut. Yet in this common, unremarkable, tiny object was channelled the greatest love and devotion. Furthermore, as the small nuts held the essence of a great living tree, so the unassuming ‘litill babe’ born in the most humble surroundings held the salvation of humanity within him. In the last book of the Narnia novels, C.S.Lewis powerfully expresses this truth of ‘the little’ actually being the big. As characters enter a stable they discover an endlessly expansive new world, just as the wardrobe in book two, ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’, contained the world of Narnia. Often the seemingly small contains the greatest meaning and power.

‘“It seems, then,” said Tirian, smiling himself, “that the Stable seen from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places.” “Yes,” said the Lord Digory. “It’s inside is bigger than its outside.” “Yes,” said Queen Lucy. “In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world.”’

  It’s hardly an original observation to state that a majority of people in 2024 seem to spend most (or at least a lot) of their time staring at a screen of some sort. Most people, at least in the Western world, now live very ‘digital’ lives. The harm this does to meaningful social interaction and the risk of damaging influences is often discussed. However, we need to dig even deeper and open our eyes to the way the online world closes our eyes, minds and souls to what is most precious in the real world. Social media and the endless fantastical scope of the internet and tech, including now AI, can give us a very skewed view of what is ‘little’ and ‘big’ in life, what is ephemeral and eternal, what is unimportant and why is fundamental. The internet has been a godsend for connecting people across the world, sharing information and opening up horizons. But when the brain is used to barrages of online stimuli it’s often closed to the blackbird singing in a tree or pecking for worms in the grass. It doesn’t feel warm sun, fresh air or soft fabric on skin or, more to the point, doesn’t perceive these ‘little things’ as significant.

   I used to struggle with the concept of mindfulness because I suffer from sensory hypersensitivity and am always hyper aware of my environment. However, what I discovered through therapy is that my brain naturally hones in on the negative sensations and glosses over any positive input. Therefore I am constantly working on actively embracing even the most basic or ‘littlest’ aspects of being alive in any given moment that lift my spirits and my soul. Whether that’s appreciating the feel of warm water on my skin, admiring the beautiful array of greens in the trees or observing the neighbour’s cat padding around our garden. I try to savour the feeling of being alive and being able to experience the world. I haven’t been able to have a ‘proper job’ for over a decade, but I relish making someone smile or giving a hug. On one of the few occasions I was able to use the train I asked the lady in the ticket office about return super off peak trains. She gave me the information and then we exchanged jokey remarks about how insanely busy Fridays are on trains and the need to almost fight for seats! Her eyes twinkled and she said ‘you have a lovely day.’ I said ‘I hope you have a good day too’. A seemingly little thing that was in fact a big thing for me, and I think for her too.

   Not long ago I met a wonderful lady online who lives with chronic disabilities, which means she can’t eat or speak. To see how she cherished life despite her limitations has really influenced my life. It’s so easy for me to focus on all the things I can’t do and ‘achieve. This intense darkness obscures the light that there is. Why can’t I . . . just eat without mental and physical pain, just enjoy some (any!) food, not struggle with near constant migraines, not wake up every morning in a panic and so exhausted it takes every ounce of willpower to get up . . . ‘Why can’t I?’ is in fact what the whole secular materialistic world wants us to constantly ask ourselves. ‘Why can’t I look like this model or celebrity on Instagram/in a shop advert?’ ‘Why can’t I afford that new iPhone, new pair of shoes, new kitchen gadget, holiday etc?’ ‘Why can’t my life be like *that*?’ But we’re rarely encouraged or helped to see what we already have, what the world around us already offers us. Living in expectation of things which have come to be seen as life’s basics – holidays, parties, swish houses, gadgets, even having children – we’re missing the little things every day that are really the big things.

   One of the main treatments for a panic attack is to focus on one’s breath, breathing in and breathing out, slowing the heartbeat and therefore stemming the panic. But it’s also a neat metaphor for how when it comes down to it, something we take for granted and are nearly always unconscious of is in fact the essence of life. It is indeed invigorating to take in a deep breath of fresh air, reassuring and relaxing to be conscious of one’s heartbeat, to be aware of the miracle that is our body and our senses. Seeing life itself as a miracle changes how and what you value within it. The blackbird in the garden and the hug from a loved one becomes more precious than any aspiration to an Instagram or dinner party conversation worthy lifestyle. Seeing the world in this way changes one’s perspective on why we are here and why the world exists. The little things in life are actually the big things and those which lead us to the true meaning of our lives and our true selves.